How to choose a guardian for your children: A complete guide

Thinking about who would raise your kids if you couldn't is one of those tough conversations we all tend to avoid. It’s heavy, emotional, and frankly, it’s easier to just put it on the "someday" list. But sorting this out is one of the most important things you can do for your children.

This guide is here to walk you through it, step by step. We’re going to break this huge decision down into smaller, more manageable pieces to make it feel less overwhelming. We'll cover what a guardian actually does, what to consider when making your choice, and how to make it all legally official in your Will.

Getting this sorted brings a unique kind of peace of mind, knowing you have a plan to protect your kids’ future, no matter what.

What is a legal guardian?

If you don't legally name a guardian in your Will, a court will decide for you. A judge will make the call based on who applies and what they think is best for the child. That decision might not be what you would have wanted, and it can create a lot of stress for your family during an already tough time.

The role of a testamentary guardian

When you name someone in your Will, the official legal term is a 'testamentary guardian'. This is the person you're trusting with your children's future.

According to Legal Aid Queensland, a testamentary guardian is responsible for the big, long-term decisions about a child's life, like where they go to school, their religious upbringing, and their general welfare.

The responsibilities can be split into two different jobs: the 'guardian of the person' and the 'guardian of the estate'. You can pick one person for both roles, or split them between two people if that works better for your family.

What happens if the other parent is still alive?

This is a common question. Legal Aid Queensland explains that if your child's other parent is still living, your appointed guardian doesn't just take over. They actually share parental responsibility with the surviving parent. This makes sure both people have a say in the child's long-term welfare.

What happens if you don't choose anyone?

If you don't name anyone, the decision goes to Family Court. A judge will appoint a guardian, considering anyone who steps forward, like a grandparent or an aunt. While the court tries to do what's best for the child, their choice might not line up with your values. This can also cause arguments among family members, creating more instability for your kids when they need it most. Making a clear choice in your Will removes that uncertainty.

Getting started: Your first steps

Understanding why it's important is the first step. But where do you start? Before you can pick someone, you need to be clear on what you're looking for. This first part is all about you and your family.

Start with an honest conversation

If you have a partner, it’s time for a real talk. It’s totally normal to have different ideas at first. Maybe you immediately think of your sibling, while your partner thinks a close friend is the better choice. The goal is to get on the same page by focusing on one thing: what's truly best for your kids. Try to push aside any feelings of obligation or fear of hurting someone's feelings. This isn't about them; it's about your children.

Brainstorm a list of potential candidates

Grab a piece of paper and just start listing names. Don't edit yourself. Write down every person you trust: siblings, parents, cousins, friends. Anyone in your life who loves your kids.

If you're doing this with a partner, try making separate lists first and then comparing them. You'll probably find a few names that pop up on both, which is a great place to start.

Define your family's core values

This is probably the most important step. You want to find someone who will raise your kids with the same values you do. A good guardian isn't just a caregiver; they're a role model who will help shape your child's view of the world.

To get clear on this, think about what really matters to you. Here are a few things to consider:

• Parenting and discipline: Are you strict or more laid-back? You'll want someone whose style won't be a huge shock to your kids.
• Education: How important are academics to you? What about creativity, sports, or other activities?
• Money and work ethic: What do you want your kids to learn about financial responsibility, saving, and career ambition?
• Religion or spiritual beliefs: If you have strong beliefs (or a lack of them), you'll want a guardian who will respect and continue that upbringing.
• Family and community: How important is it for your kids to stay connected to their extended family?

Thinking about your values helps you look at your list of names more objectively. It changes the question from "Who's the obvious choice?" to "Who would parent most like us?"

Key factors to consider

Once you've defined your values, it's time to get practical. This is where you take your list of names and start measuring them against some real-world criteria.

Parenting style and shared values

This is number one for a reason. You've already defined your values, so now you can see who on your list really aligns with them. The best person for the job is someone who already lives by a similar philosophy. Think about it: it's much easier for someone to raise your children in a way you'd want if it's already second nature to them. Do they share your views on kindness and resilience? Do they discipline their own kids in a way you respect? This alignment is the foundation of a good choice.

Age and health

It’s natural to think of your own parents first. Grandparents are a loving choice, and they already have a deep bond with your kids. But you have to be realistic about their age and health. Raising children is exhausting, and it takes a lot of energy to keep up with them through their teenage years. Ask yourself honestly: will they have the physical and mental stamina to raise your child to adulthood? If you do choose your parents, it's smart to name a younger backup guardian in your Will just in case.

Location and stability

Imagine what your children would be going through. Losing their parents is traumatic, and a big move on top of that can make it even harder. Uprooting them from their home, school, and friends can disrupt their entire world. When looking at your candidates, try to prioritize people who live nearby. If your top choice lives far away, would they be willing to move to your town to provide that stability? It’s a huge thing to ask, but it can make all the difference for your children.

Financial stability and responsibility

A common misconception is that your guardian needs to be rich. Your estate, superannuation, and any life insurance are there to cover your children's financial needs. The money you leave behind is meant for their housing, education, and daily living costs.

However, the person you choose must be financially responsible. Are they good at managing their own money? Can you trust them to handle your child's inheritance wisely? You're not looking for a millionaire; you're looking for a sensible and trustworthy manager.

Willingness and existing family dynamics

Being a guardian is a massive, lifelong commitment. It's not something you can just spring on someone. The person you choose must be genuinely willing and able to take on the role.

You also need to think about their current family situation. Do they have kids of their own? If so, how would your child fit in? Is their home big enough? Do they have the emotional capacity to take on another child? These are tough but necessary questions.

Making it official: The legal steps

You've done the soul-searching, had the tough conversations, and made a choice. That's a huge achievement. But a choice is just a wish until you make it legally binding. Here are the final steps to lock it in.

Have the conversation with your chosen guardian

This is a non-negotiable step. Before you officially name someone in your Will, you absolutely must ask them if they're willing to accept the role. This is a life-changing responsibility, and they have every right to say no.

When you're ready, find a quiet time to sit down with them. Explain why you chose them and what it is about them that makes you trust them with your children's future. Talk about your values and your hopes for your kids. Give them time to think about it and ask questions. Getting their enthusiastic "yes" is crucial for your peace of mind.

Name at least one alternate guardian

Life is unpredictable. Your first choice might move overseas or find themselves unable to take on the responsibility when the time comes. If they can't do it and you haven't named a backup, the decision goes back to the courts.

To create a reliable safety net, you should name at least one alternate guardian, and preferably two. This ensures that if your first choice falls through, your second or third trusted person is already lined up.

Document your choice in a legally valid will

This is the most important part. In Australia, informal agreements or even naming godparents at a christening are not legally binding when it comes to guardianship. The only way to make sure your choice is legally recognised is to state it clearly in your Last Will and Testament.

Previously, this process typically required appointments with a solicitor. Now, online solutions are also available. Platforms like Willfully allow Australians to create a legally-binding Will online.

Online platforms may offer several features to consider:

• Lawyer reviewed: Each Will created through the platform is reviewed by a qualified Australian lawyer to ensure it is legally compliant.
• Pricing: The service is available for a one-time fee of $159.99. This can make legal protection more accessible compared to some traditional options.
• Security: The platform uses AES-256 bank-level encryption to protect personal information.

Review your choice regularly

Life doesn't stand still. You might have more children, your relationship with your chosen guardian might change, or their life circumstances could shift. It's a good habit to review your Will and guardianship choice every few years, or after any major life event.

Online services can also simplify this process. For example, Willfully includes 12 months of free, unlimited updates with their service. If you change your mind or your situation changes within the first year, you can update your documents easily without paying extra.

Hearing from experts can also provide clarity. The video below offers practical tips and key factors to consider when making this important decision, reinforcing many of the points we've discussed.

Your next steps

Choosing a guardian for your children is a profound act of love. It's your way of ensuring they will be safe, loved, and cared for by someone you trust, no matter what happens.

We've walked through the whole process: starting with your core values, evaluating your candidates, having that crucial conversation, and making your choice official in a legally valid Will. While no one can ever replace you, a thoughtfully chosen guardian is the next best thing: a safe, stable, and loving home where your kids can thrive.

To make your choice of guardian legally binding, you can create a lawyer-reviewed Will online through a service like Willfully. Taking this step can provide peace of mind for you and your family.

Frequently Asked Questions

What's the first step in choosing a guardian?

Start by having an open conversation with your partner (if you have one) about your core family values. This helps you create a list of what you're looking for in a caregiver, making the decision less about emotion and more about what's best for your children's future.

Should I choose a family member or a friend as guardian?

There's no right or wrong answer. The best choice is the person who most closely aligns with your parenting style and values, regardless of whether they're family or a friend. Focus on who can provide a stable, loving environment that feels consistent with the one you've created.

How important is the guardian's location?

It's a significant factor. Choosing someone who lives nearby can provide stability for your children by keeping them in their school, close to friends, and in a familiar community. If your top choice lives far away, it's worth discussing if they would be willing to relocate.

Do I need to ask the person before naming them as a guardian in my Will?

Yes, absolutely. It's a critical step. Being a guardian is a massive responsibility, and you need their full consent. Frame it as a testament to your trust in them, and give them time to think it over.

What is the legal way to appoint a guardian in Australia?

The only way to make your choice legally binding is to name your chosen guardian (and at least one backup) in your official Last Will and Testament. Platforms like Willfully make it easy to create a lawyer-reviewed Will online to ensure your wishes are legally protected.

How often should I review my choice of guardian?

It's a good idea to review your choice every few years or after any major life event, like having another child or if your chosen guardian's circumstances change. Life is unpredictable, and keeping your Will updated ensures your plan remains relevant.